This art featured in my memoir, Incandescence: Rising Above Darkness is included as a moment of serenity between chapters and does not necessarily have any literal connection to the story.
Incandescence: Rising Above Darkness Excerpt Chapter #25 Owl Eyes
When I returned to Duluth for a visit and decided to stay, I had trouble making friends, and I could not understand why, so I knocked on Kay’s door to try and find out. In order not to lose the courage to speak my truth, I decided to blurt it out as soon as she opened the door. As soon as I saw her backlit in the doorway, I said, “Did I do something to offend you?” We were both stunned and silent until I continued. “If I have, it was unintentional, and I would like the opportunity to apologize for whatever I did to offend you women in town.”
“No,” she said, “you haven’t done anything.”
“Then why won’t any of you talk to me?”
“Well,” she hesitated for a while and continued, “Cause nobody trusts you.”
“Why?”
“Cause you’re pretty. Nobody takes you seriously.”
“I thought that was what men did.”
She laughed and continued, “We figure ʼcause you’re pretty, you are taken care of by a man.”
“I have never been taken care of by a man. I don’t have one single piece of jewelry, clothing, or any other kind of gift from a man.”
“Yes, but you could.”
“So, let me see if I understand this. Even though I don’t have or let men take care of me, I could, so that is enough reason for you all to ostracize me? Well, that is certainly open-minded and bighearted. Maybe I was wrong about wanting to be friends with you guys. Perhaps you are not as interesting as I thought you were.”
She got a kick out of my candor and started laughing, which got me laughing, relieving my nervousness. We laughed until our bellies ached. Then she looked up at me with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard and said, “Fuck ʼem. It ain’t your fault you’re pretty.” We started laughing again as she pointed at my baggy handmade colorless clothing covering me head to toe, saying, “You sure don’t try. You look like a nun.” She stopped laughing and her face turned sad. “It really isn’t fair,” she said apologetically.
“It’s okay,” I said.
“No it’s not. And it isn’t all of it. We don’t trust you because you don’t gossip.”
I was shocked and said, “I’m the one you should trust because I won’t be talking about you when you leave the room.”
The little white owl looked into my eyes, into me, through me. I felt its gaze like the wind passing through me as if I was no longer solid. We looked at each other without moving for what seemed like an hour. Time stood as still as the snowy owl and I did. My fear transformed into awe. I did not move until the brilliant white owl turned its head slowly forward and flew away.
Later in the night, Kay called me to ask, “What did your feathered friend say?”
I answered, “Everything . . . without a single word.”
Clare Cooley
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