This art featured in my memoir, Incandescence Rising Above Darkness is included as a moment of serenity between chapters and does not necessarily have any literal connection to the story.
Incandescence Rising Above Darkness Chapter #6 In God’s House Nobody Was Home
My first-grade class vibrated with happy chaos like a garden painted by Van Gogh. My mother thought I may need more room to flower and took me to the big school on top of the hill. The new class was like a grove of trees planted in straight rows. The teacher waved her hand, signaling my mother and me to come to the back of the class. As we walked over, I noticed the children all kept their eyes down. She asked my mother questions. The only one I remember was, “Can your daughter read?”
My mother smiled with pride as she answered, “Not yet, but she tells wonderful stories while looking at the pictures.”
Everyone froze as the teacher yelled at me, “Go to the front of the class.” No one had ever yelled at me before. “Now!” she screamed. Paralyzed and confused, I could not believe this was happening. “I said now! Go to the front of the class and look at your classmates and tell them you lied.” I do not remember walking from my desk to the front of the class. The class of frightened eyes looked at me kindly. She continued, “Tell them you cannot read. Tell them you are just a liar!”
God did not come talk to me, and I could not bear the silence another moment, so I ran out of the church. Running until there was nothing but thick grass higher than my head all around me, I sat down. I felt a sadness I had not felt before, like I was not welcome in the world. It felt like I did not belong in this place. It was bright, but I did not feel the warmth of the sun. There was a breeze, but it did not soothe me. The grass swayed against my legs, but it did not tickle them as it used to. The clouds were dancing in the sky, and I could not care. Dragonflies tried to get my attention, and I ignored them. Ladybugs teased me, and I did not want to play. Nothing mattered because God didn’t come talk to me. A tear slipped out of my eye, and I felt enormous anguish for the guy nailed to the cross. I could not accept he would be put there in front of everyone broken, bleeding, and undressed. I cried until I heard a voice that made no sound say, “You are not alone. You do not have to be with anyone who is not kind to you.” I lay back in the embracing grass until the dismissal bell rang, and I walked home and said nothing.
Clare Cooley
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